Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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