you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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