My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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