your parents love me but you hate me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
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And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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