Moan for me like Helen Keller
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize