so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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