he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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