Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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