apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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