I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we're making bets on your personal life
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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