Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

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  (816): I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart. http://tfl.nu/md27
  Replies (5) Good night (597) Bad night (1073)
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  (951): View more from California

  Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?

  (949): View more from California

  Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

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  (951): Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn? (949): Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER. http://tfl.nu/x4x0
  Replies (29) Good night (975) Bad night (3770)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.

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  (205): I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way. http://tfl.nu/0pkj
  Replies (10) Good night (2910) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'

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  (778): Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world' http://tfl.nu/vm9t
  Replies (8) Good night (7008) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..

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  (561): My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis.. http://tfl.nu/qf8b
  Replies (43) Good night (610) Bad night (6155) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

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  (717): Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me. http://tfl.nu/6xgz
  Replies (39) Good night (758) Bad night (7429) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

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  (860): failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm. http://tfl.nu/gfgw
  Replies (13) Good night (4716) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  apparently i was cut off before i even walked in

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  (405): apparently i was cut off before i even walked in http://tfl.nu/ukez
  Replies (2) Good night (2212) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with

  (509): View more from Washington

  Isn't life beautiful?

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  (360): So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with (509): Isn't life beautiful? http://tfl.nu/f406
  Replies (13) Good night (1945) Bad night (915)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.

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  (602): Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library. http://tfl.nu/6qen
  Replies (12) Good night (1667) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (936): View more from Texas

  He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.

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  (936): He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again. http://tfl.nu/4f76
  Replies (27) Good night (514) Bad night (2195) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.

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  (740): Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow. http://tfl.nu/oilf
  Replies (11) Good night (1306) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She puked her nose ring out of her face.

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  (615): She puked her nose ring out of her face. http://tfl.nu/6cuk
  Replies (11) Good night (847) Bad night (2302) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?

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  (506): HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!? http://tfl.nu/h0ub
  Replies (9) Good night (954) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)

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  (386): Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight) http://tfl.nu/otp9
  Replies (0) Good night (761) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt

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