I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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vagina is talking i cant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
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My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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