I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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