My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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