...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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