The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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