I think i peed on brittanys purse
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize