I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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