One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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