There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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