I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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