Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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