explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize