Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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