Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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