Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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