dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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