Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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