Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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