We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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