I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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