She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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