so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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