I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your penis caused this!
Randomize