In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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