lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize