Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
sex in a hospital.. check
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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