evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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