sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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