so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize