Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You left your phone here
Wait...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize