3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize