I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize