his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize