I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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