We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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