i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize