spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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