Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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