So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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