First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
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Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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