What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize