Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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